BeaverSquared

Words to make you feel like frosted flakes, that is grrreaat for those without an imagination.

• Wonderful Word Wizard: Tiff, you do not need make up, or dresses, or flowers. You're gorgeous from the time you open your eyes in the sunrise until you close your eyes at the night, where none but the stars can see you.
• Me: Your words are beautiful, what poem did you take this from drunkard?
• Wonderful Word Wizard: My word came from my mouth

Tug of War

OR

Graduate School!  Applying to graduate school has been an adventure full of waiting and anticipation.  Now Fall is quickly approaching.  My top two schools were Appalachian State University (ASU) and New York University (NYU), both felt like a shot in the dark due to the competitive nature of each graduate program I applied to.  ASU was a top choice because it is a program that explores alternative techniques for counseling, specifically body centered therapy.  A program very unique to the east coast.  I was all set to go, accepted my offer, searching for apartments and jobs.  

Then out of no where my second choice, NYU, barrels through with an acceptance letter for the MA Counseling for Mental Health and Well Being.  Top schools neck and neck, weighing the options may seem like a no brainer for some, but this has definitely been one of the hardest decisions I have made thus far.  

ASU, my Master’s education would be basically free and I would be able to directly pursue alternative therapies.  NYU, debt is inevitable and however I would be able to further develop my research experience and connect with some of the most influential professors in the field and not to mention live in the heart of New York City.  I can not predict the future, but I believe this experience will put me on a more direct tract to achieving my PhD.

I have never been to NYC or NYU, so I am going in fresh.  I am ready and excited for the challenges that are going to push me out of my comfort zone.  With that being said be prepared with post detailing my struggles and ultimate success to come.

Loosely lose

How many times do we hear “I don’t want to lose you.” and how many time do we say “I don’t want to lose you.”… COUNTLESS.  These are words I am afraid to hear from anyone I am in a relationship with and this is a phrase I try not to say.  When I think about this combination of words, I think of what it means to lose.  So, in my love for words and digging deeper into definitions, I will turn to the good ole Merriam-Webster for the definition of lose (verb): 

1. To bring destruction
2. to miss from one’s possession
3. to fail to keep control of or allegiance of 
4. to fail
5. to fail to keep, sustain or maintain

These are just a few of the definitions provided, but take a look at each of these definitions and see what I see when I think of relationship loss.

1. My life with you as it was has been destroyed and my heart seems to feel that way, but that comes from fear, an emotion that will subside in time.
2. For me to say I am missing you from my possession translates to me having some type of ownership over you, something I would never ask.  
3. Relating to two, I would never want control or demand an allegiance.  You are your own being with the freedom to decide and choose.  A forceful love is not a real love.  I want you to be the individual you see yourself as, I want you to chase your dreams.  I just hope to share a few of those moments with you, that you choose me to help you chase those dreams and allow me to be the support you need.
4. Some may see a break up as a failure, since two people are no longer together in that context.  I do not anymore.  I see it as growth.
5. At last to fail to keep, sustain or maintain.  As a person that has loved you and shared a time in my life with you I keep our memories in my heart, I sustain my love and I progress to maintain a relationship.

Therefore I try not to say “I don’t want to lose you.” Life is your perspective, a lens you can control and so like to think I haven’t lost all I have acquired are gains.  

Always Worth a Second Look

The first time I saw the musical Wicked was in 2011, a gift from Stevie. That experience was great!  I could never ask for a redo.  That was probably one of the best days, because everything worked out even though it seemed like things were going wrong. We both won lottery tickets and we ran around Richmond for a little bit, played checkers in VCU’s library, a definite no plan plan kind of day.  

Last night, marked my second time seeing Wicked and it was definitely worth a second look.  Everything was pretty much the same.  Same production company, same cast, same songs, same jokes and the same story.  Taking a second look actually allowed me to enjoy the production more so.  Watching wicked the first time I was wrapped up in how new and exciting it was and trying to pay exact attention to the story, but the second time I was able to relate and enjoy the art and the music with a different set of eyes and ears.  I found myself letting go of exact attention and found myself reminiscing. 

Perfect end to my 15 min. run

Underneath my bed lies a little sub, that bumps the bass.  After my run I stretched, clicked on some Bassnecter and lay in bed while it played.  The bass ran threw my body, felt so NICE!

At 9:30 PM

• Mom: Tiff! Can I have your keys? I'm going to the store.
• Me: Yeah, no problem. What are you going to do?
• Mom: What time do they do the pick 4? I am going to go buy a pick four.
• Me: Umm, I don't know
• Mom: How do you play?
• I can't quite explain it, but if she wins. I am asking for a piece of the prize